(Warning, this post may gross you out, and this warning will probably only make you want to read it more — the opposite of its intended effect).

I had some digestive issues last week after eating something that upset my stomach, and was bedridden for a good part of the weekend. I kept taking Pepto to feel better but probably took too much and it worked a little too well — nothing was coming out. My stomach was feeling better and I had an appetite, but where was it going? I proceeded to take a crapload of stuff to try to fix the problem: Po Chai Pills, laxatives and whathaveyou. None of it seemed to work until I finally took the suggestion of a coworker. He told me prune juice would solve all of my problems — that has parents are living proof. Apparently old people have this problem a lot. I’m not old!

I went to the grocery store and bought a litre, and drank a small cup. Everything resolved itself the next day. When I got to work the next day, which happened to be a Friday, I had a good three quarters of the prune juice left sitting there. Thinking that I shouldn’t leave it to waste, I gulped the rest of it down. I had NO idea how effective the stuff was. After I had emptied myself, which happened quite early on, it kept working. The rest of the evening my stomach was gurgling with no end in sight. My bowels were working overtime with nothing to move except for air. Needless to say, I didn’t enjoy my evening very much. I sucked it up and tried to go out with friends. It wasn’t comfortable; every second step I took I had something to release. I made sure to not stay in one spot for too long so I wouldn’t incriminate myself.

Now that I think about it, I could’ve just stayed in one spot and given dirty looks to the girl next to me. That would have been way more fun.

So take it from me: prune juice works (a little too well!)